rambling on about muses and devices
Nov. 11th, 2011 03:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
empallini know i have already discussed this but i wanted to cover a few more points. because it sounds so bad i hate to admit that i do in fact use muses. i am not going to name them. some know they are. some can never know they are. some i know very well some i never knew. but over the years the have inspired me to write. and keep writing. some times i write too them. some times i write about them. some times i write about this to that thing they did. or said. some times i write because they said or did this or that but without some secret decoder ring you would never be able to tell it. they are people and places and things.
i also use devices. its the best word i can come up with. for me a device is basically a short term muse. no staying power and not that many words. for example when i was in the boston metro i used to go to manray a lot. frequently i would site there drinking litening to the music watching people and writing. i would write to paul and ml and the girl with the yellow and red striped tights. but in the end basically everything and every one in there was a device. with two exceptions. however as a whole the club its self can be considered a muse. as could the time i spent in that area. however it is basically just a big jar of devices that i will pull a random paper out now and then. write about it and throw the paper away.
a lot of time i would write these things and just leave them. they were my one night stands. i left them at the bar where i picked them up. occasionally when i got home i would write down a line or few that my drunk ass could still remember. or cared to. mostly i left them there uncredited a lot of times hoping that some one else might enjoy them. i do know that the bartender paul took at least one home after he realized i had no intention of taking them. some times i hoped that certain people would grab them and i might actually see them many years later. that one night stand you really wished you hadnt completely screwed over and would run back to in a minute. but mostly they were just cheap devices to get a fix.
the two exceptions mentioned above have popped up in my writing so many times that i almost feel like i should buy them birthday presents. on was a svelte asian boy that looked better in a little black dress than most women. for all practical purposes he should have been a device but that not the way it worked out. the other is a full time muse.i know i have written more stuff to about and because of her than i should ever admit to. and i know he has. and he has. and he has. and she has. an i think her. i also know that she is going to hate me for destroying her image as just you average suburban housewife. as i said before its not really a job you want.
just like the boy above there was what should have been just another device that became a muse. years ago while roaming around oklahoma city i saw this woman waiting for the bus. dressed all in black except for a long red coat. it was a misty fall day. cold and dark. days like that still make me think of her. i watched her out the bus window until i couldnt. then later that day i made my way back to that area and sat there and wrote this thing and left it there hoping maybe she would find. but more to get it out of my head. the words dont give me a choice a lot of time. this was in 91 maybe. after i came back from carbondale. and i am still writing things to or about her. still thinking that someday i might find a woman with a coat like that. every time i go past that bus stop i have to look to see if she is still there. sure there are people i could have asked to wear coats like that but its not that kind of game. and thats not how this one is played.
the words and the muses play by a rule book i have yet to see. too many times its the simplest thing that sets things in motion. all i can do it try to keep up the pace. with devices its more a matter of filling time. nothing more than idle chit chat that could come or go for the most part. there are the muses that could completely destroy me with just a simple question. or save me with a simpler answer that i would never see. if the devices all disappeared i could still swing it. if the muses all disappeared the words would flood until i could swing. i do at least know that rule.
dont start thinking that i use everyone i know as a muse. i dont even use a lot of them as devices. friends i have had for years that i have never written one piece about. not because they are not worthy, because there is the weird buried part of me that has to be touched. i dont know where or how. i just know it is the case. most of them have been around for more years than i care to count. foulmouthed as they are, they quickly become a loud and bitter lot. but still really good people in a bind, without ever being asked. too many of them have done more than their share of drugs and alcohol and breaking my heart. but everything still works out in the end.
do i care if anyone knows who they are? not really but i am not going give out their names. if you figure it out on your own well that is good for you. they may not want to know or for other people to know who they are. sure if one of them asked i would tell them. and anything else they wanted to know. its that kind of power they have over me. it is something they can never quit. if this one asked if this or that was about them i would tell them directly. after i asked if they were sure they wanted to know.
for those paying attention it will come as no surprise to find out that one of my ex-wives became a muse from the day we first met. almost seems like a given to me. no so given is the fact that the other one is not. was not. and pretty much killed every desire i had to do anything creative in any manner. these muses all have something i am drawn to. you would be a fool to think i would not want to make damn sure the woman i marry fits into the line up. or i would have to be an idiot. or crazy. or both. personally i am still stunned by the fact that this happened. you would think if things got that far along it would be easy enough to make the jump. not even a device.
i will finish with a quick little note about this guy i know. this too is probably gives more detail than should be made public but its fun. my kind of fun. this guy went to school in another state with one of my muses. he meets another one of my muses and they end up engaged. married now if you must. prior to them getting together she broke of her engagement to another one of my muses. all i could do was sit back in stunned amazement. to top it off at one point he did this bit that also ended up mentioning one of my muses in a roundabout way. but if there was ever a pile of shit he most certainly stepped right into the middle of it. but to you sir i tip my hat at your excellent choice in people.
i also use devices. its the best word i can come up with. for me a device is basically a short term muse. no staying power and not that many words. for example when i was in the boston metro i used to go to manray a lot. frequently i would site there drinking litening to the music watching people and writing. i would write to paul and ml and the girl with the yellow and red striped tights. but in the end basically everything and every one in there was a device. with two exceptions. however as a whole the club its self can be considered a muse. as could the time i spent in that area. however it is basically just a big jar of devices that i will pull a random paper out now and then. write about it and throw the paper away.
a lot of time i would write these things and just leave them. they were my one night stands. i left them at the bar where i picked them up. occasionally when i got home i would write down a line or few that my drunk ass could still remember. or cared to. mostly i left them there uncredited a lot of times hoping that some one else might enjoy them. i do know that the bartender paul took at least one home after he realized i had no intention of taking them. some times i hoped that certain people would grab them and i might actually see them many years later. that one night stand you really wished you hadnt completely screwed over and would run back to in a minute. but mostly they were just cheap devices to get a fix.
the two exceptions mentioned above have popped up in my writing so many times that i almost feel like i should buy them birthday presents. on was a svelte asian boy that looked better in a little black dress than most women. for all practical purposes he should have been a device but that not the way it worked out. the other is a full time muse.i know i have written more stuff to about and because of her than i should ever admit to. and i know he has. and he has. and he has. and she has. an i think her. i also know that she is going to hate me for destroying her image as just you average suburban housewife. as i said before its not really a job you want.
just like the boy above there was what should have been just another device that became a muse. years ago while roaming around oklahoma city i saw this woman waiting for the bus. dressed all in black except for a long red coat. it was a misty fall day. cold and dark. days like that still make me think of her. i watched her out the bus window until i couldnt. then later that day i made my way back to that area and sat there and wrote this thing and left it there hoping maybe she would find. but more to get it out of my head. the words dont give me a choice a lot of time. this was in 91 maybe. after i came back from carbondale. and i am still writing things to or about her. still thinking that someday i might find a woman with a coat like that. every time i go past that bus stop i have to look to see if she is still there. sure there are people i could have asked to wear coats like that but its not that kind of game. and thats not how this one is played.
the words and the muses play by a rule book i have yet to see. too many times its the simplest thing that sets things in motion. all i can do it try to keep up the pace. with devices its more a matter of filling time. nothing more than idle chit chat that could come or go for the most part. there are the muses that could completely destroy me with just a simple question. or save me with a simpler answer that i would never see. if the devices all disappeared i could still swing it. if the muses all disappeared the words would flood until i could swing. i do at least know that rule.
dont start thinking that i use everyone i know as a muse. i dont even use a lot of them as devices. friends i have had for years that i have never written one piece about. not because they are not worthy, because there is the weird buried part of me that has to be touched. i dont know where or how. i just know it is the case. most of them have been around for more years than i care to count. foulmouthed as they are, they quickly become a loud and bitter lot. but still really good people in a bind, without ever being asked. too many of them have done more than their share of drugs and alcohol and breaking my heart. but everything still works out in the end.
do i care if anyone knows who they are? not really but i am not going give out their names. if you figure it out on your own well that is good for you. they may not want to know or for other people to know who they are. sure if one of them asked i would tell them. and anything else they wanted to know. its that kind of power they have over me. it is something they can never quit. if this one asked if this or that was about them i would tell them directly. after i asked if they were sure they wanted to know.
for those paying attention it will come as no surprise to find out that one of my ex-wives became a muse from the day we first met. almost seems like a given to me. no so given is the fact that the other one is not. was not. and pretty much killed every desire i had to do anything creative in any manner. these muses all have something i am drawn to. you would be a fool to think i would not want to make damn sure the woman i marry fits into the line up. or i would have to be an idiot. or crazy. or both. personally i am still stunned by the fact that this happened. you would think if things got that far along it would be easy enough to make the jump. not even a device.
i will finish with a quick little note about this guy i know. this too is probably gives more detail than should be made public but its fun. my kind of fun. this guy went to school in another state with one of my muses. he meets another one of my muses and they end up engaged. married now if you must. prior to them getting together she broke of her engagement to another one of my muses. all i could do was sit back in stunned amazement. to top it off at one point he did this bit that also ended up mentioning one of my muses in a roundabout way. but if there was ever a pile of shit he most certainly stepped right into the middle of it. but to you sir i tip my hat at your excellent choice in people.
