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empallinso i found a place that does open mic comedy in town...because you know i want to be just like tim. well while i am trying to talk my self into doing this i am fine tuning some material into a couple of shorter sets. this is one of the more fine tuned ones but i could use some feed back here. if it's funny tell me what makes it funny to you. if it sucks tell me why you think it does. unless some major changes are in order this is pretty much the script as it will go live in the new year. i will tell you that if you want jokes this is not what you are looking for. this is a mostly true story that was several years in the making. non-graphic links added just to make it a little more fun for you. this is written as it will be delivered with the use of ellipsis [...] to denote dramatic pauses. so on with the show...
so i have this friend mikey who...sorry to ruin you fantasies guys...is a nurse. nevermind that might be a fantasy i just really don't want to know about. but he might. anyway he was talking about work one day and we got on the top of speculums. because that is what guys talk about...manipulating female genitalia. i'll admit maybe not always in such nice and caring terms but still...
you women are hopefully but unfortunately...for you...very familar with these fun little devices. so lets bring some of the guys up to speed. a speculum is a device that doctors jam into various holes in the body to streeeettttccchhh them open for better inspection. ponder that for a minute...sort of like opening the hood on a car. like i said fun.
then the plot thickens. he mentions to me that not only are there oral and vaginal speculms but there are also anal speculums. anal...speculum. i could tell by his tone of voice...and laughter that this was going to be painful to educated on. which is exactly why i feel the need to share it with you. he pretty much jumps to point in explaining that not are they larger and more coarse than vaginal speculums but they more often than not...geet used on guys. eehhhh. owww.
every since that day i have been trying to convince him to steal one from work for me but he keeps giving some bullshit about being fired and public embarrassment. i'm the one wanting to show it to people and pick up chicks with it so who is the one that would suffer the embarrassment? sure mikey has a wife and kids to support but i really question his dedication as a friend because of this.
i figured since he was not going to be very much help i was going to have to do the next best thing. i did what every fun loving guy would do. i whipped out the credit card, sat down at the computer and did some...research. i found all kinds of speculums. i could get the glow-in-the-dark plastic one for 10 bucks...on sale even. or i could get the chilled surgical stainless...extra large one for 32 bucks. yeah i said...extra large. i could even get the varity pack of sizes for $95. quite a selection really but no anal speculums in site.
i pretty much gave up on finding an anal speculum so for i figured i would choose from the selection that was available. i am comparing prices verus durability versu shipping rates. wondering if consumer reports ever did an speculum expose. as i sat there looking at all this stuff i got to think...who buys this shit? that is the point where i got up and walked away. [exits stage right]
...and as a thank you for reading i offer you one more related link. coming from annie sprinkle...
101 hazards of sex
...41 really but still fun.
so i have this friend mikey who...sorry to ruin you fantasies guys...is a nurse. nevermind that might be a fantasy i just really don't want to know about. but he might. anyway he was talking about work one day and we got on the top of speculums. because that is what guys talk about...manipulating female genitalia. i'll admit maybe not always in such nice and caring terms but still...
you women are hopefully but unfortunately...for you...very familar with these fun little devices. so lets bring some of the guys up to speed. a speculum is a device that doctors jam into various holes in the body to streeeettttccchhh them open for better inspection. ponder that for a minute...sort of like opening the hood on a car. like i said fun.
then the plot thickens. he mentions to me that not only are there oral and vaginal speculms but there are also anal speculums. anal...speculum. i could tell by his tone of voice...and laughter that this was going to be painful to educated on. which is exactly why i feel the need to share it with you. he pretty much jumps to point in explaining that not are they larger and more coarse than vaginal speculums but they more often than not...geet used on guys. eehhhh. owww.
every since that day i have been trying to convince him to steal one from work for me but he keeps giving some bullshit about being fired and public embarrassment. i'm the one wanting to show it to people and pick up chicks with it so who is the one that would suffer the embarrassment? sure mikey has a wife and kids to support but i really question his dedication as a friend because of this.
i figured since he was not going to be very much help i was going to have to do the next best thing. i did what every fun loving guy would do. i whipped out the credit card, sat down at the computer and did some...research. i found all kinds of speculums. i could get the glow-in-the-dark plastic one for 10 bucks...on sale even. or i could get the chilled surgical stainless...extra large one for 32 bucks. yeah i said...extra large. i could even get the varity pack of sizes for $95. quite a selection really but no anal speculums in site.
i pretty much gave up on finding an anal speculum so for i figured i would choose from the selection that was available. i am comparing prices verus durability versu shipping rates. wondering if consumer reports ever did an speculum expose. as i sat there looking at all this stuff i got to think...who buys this shit? that is the point where i got up and walked away. [exits stage right]
...and as a thank you for reading i offer you one more related link. coming from annie sprinkle...
101 hazards of sex
...41 really but still fun.
