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empallinread without worries, it's an old bit with some of the words changed but do be warned
since i kind of got started on this with pulling stuff from the notebooks i will be doing this one from memory of what is left....
I don't know how to settle down. i don't know how to sit still. i don't know how to take care. i don't know how to be careful. i write because i have to not because i want to. i hate every word you see. they are too much of me set in stone and any is too much. i burn with a fire i cannot explain. this is why i love the cold. i need to soothe it. smoother it as the words have done me. i will use my words against me. no, it's not you. it's not your fault. i just don't know how to do it. i don't think i want to. i want to voices to stop. i want the headaches to stop. i want to block it all out and send it strainght to hell. burn these words to burn the body that these words burn. i am cold and distant because i fear an injury. don't worry about me. there would be too much effort spent in that direction and it would all be wasted. just have a drink and a laugh and let me pass. i play with this shit all day in my head when all i want is some piece and quiet. a nice quiet bed to sleep in and a place to call home. before i burn the whole fucking thing down. faster and faster and still burning. i know less than i don't. i know of these things because i have been told but know so few truths. i doubt they could get through the blisters on my mind. it is not that i want to be alone so much as i know no one will ever understand. so i stay quiet and force my exile into the cold. i will watch and wait from a distance. and you will hopefully be none the wiser. i really want to care. i just don't know how. or is it that i don't know how to be normal? if there even is such a thing. it's just words that haunt my soul. or so i keep telling myself. now only if i could get some sleep. when all else fails fuck everything.
now that it is fixed....
since i kind of got started on this with pulling stuff from the notebooks i will be doing this one from memory of what is left....
I don't know how to settle down. i don't know how to sit still. i don't know how to take care. i don't know how to be careful. i write because i have to not because i want to. i hate every word you see. they are too much of me set in stone and any is too much. i burn with a fire i cannot explain. this is why i love the cold. i need to soothe it. smoother it as the words have done me. i will use my words against me. no, it's not you. it's not your fault. i just don't know how to do it. i don't think i want to. i want to voices to stop. i want the headaches to stop. i want to block it all out and send it strainght to hell. burn these words to burn the body that these words burn. i am cold and distant because i fear an injury. don't worry about me. there would be too much effort spent in that direction and it would all be wasted. just have a drink and a laugh and let me pass. i play with this shit all day in my head when all i want is some piece and quiet. a nice quiet bed to sleep in and a place to call home. before i burn the whole fucking thing down. faster and faster and still burning. i know less than i don't. i know of these things because i have been told but know so few truths. i doubt they could get through the blisters on my mind. it is not that i want to be alone so much as i know no one will ever understand. so i stay quiet and force my exile into the cold. i will watch and wait from a distance. and you will hopefully be none the wiser. i really want to care. i just don't know how. or is it that i don't know how to be normal? if there even is such a thing. it's just words that haunt my soul. or so i keep telling myself. now only if i could get some sleep. when all else fails fuck everything.
now that it is fixed....
