[khg] that thing i do

was it something i said?
was it something i did?
i wish you could tell me
what i did that was so horrid
that you pushed me out of you life
i can pretend not to care
if i cared to pretend
of course it was something i said
of course it was something i did
it always is
i will never be good enough
for you your type them
i have seen it enough times
to know it would not last
to know it would never return
if it was ever there
if you ever cared
even if i dared

there is no poetry in money

a couple of quick point about my writing (poems if you must use the word) because they came up recently.

pretty much anytime i write something it is about stuff that happened years ago that is still kicking around in my head. just because i just recently wrote it doesnt mean its about you. this has been a sticking point in several past relationships. sure it may have been sparked by something you said or something you did. it may have been something i saw on a piece of paper around the house. it may have been sparked by something on tv. but then i still know a lot of the people i write about so there is a chance it might be about you. the you from ages ago. and frankly i wish there was a way to know if those people ever see themselves in the stuff. or crack the code that masks their identity. frankly i doubt any of them actually read the stuff. or ever will.

the other side of that same coin in that i am really not good about taking compliments. my responses tend to be an eye roll or a smirk. or a simple "yeah". its not that i dont value your opinion its that most compliments are just social courtesies. i dont want that. i want the truth. if it you think it sucks tell me. but be ready to tell me why you thin it sucks. with that in mind i have recently (at some point in the past years. see above about time frames) gotten a couple of compliments that really meant a lot to me. one was a question of whether i had been following the person around. it wasnt about the person but isnt that the point of this sort of writing? to touch someone and make them feel something? the other was a complete dissection of style form and words. in my favor but it was more than just "its ok"

now for the kicker. i will be putting out an 80 page book of poems sometime in the nest few months. I am aiming for november but it may be sooner depending on how things play out. i am doing through lulu because i dont have the time or desire to shop my stuff. if it gets picked up from there great if it doesnt it will be there for as long as they stick around. I am aiming for a $10(plus shipping) price tag but expect $15 so that you are surprised when it is cheaper. i will post the link once everything is good and ready to run.