its bigger than you and you are not me the lengths that I will go to

ok so the stuff i entered into the fair that was not photography seems to have all won ribbons. 3rd 3rd 4th 6th 7th. you would think i would be excited about this but noooooooooooo. in part because i cant be or else i get really hard on myself. but more so because it all has my real name on it. do you know how long its been since i did something this public that actually had my real name on it? years. many years. lets just say i am content with my life as such and like to keep things seperated to large degrees. this does not make it easy. yeah i know i should not care but dammit i do. my work displayed with my real name it seems is enough to make me sick to my stomach. now you want to see how much of it survives once it gets back into my hands? there is still one more thing to go but i cant promise it will actually make it. more than likely it will but it will be by force.