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Oct. 20th, 2006 02:41 ami figure i would do a post to keep from doing laundry or thinking about my great-uncles death. and jami i am sorry about you aunt. my condolences to you and yours.
so first a series of fresh light bulb jokes just so i can say i told someone. unfortunately this came straight out of my head. so if you hate them i am to blame.
how many toddlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[hold up fingers] this many
how many football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
hey coach whats a light bulb?
how many golfers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
foooore!
how many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
68 61 70 70 79 20 65 61 73 74 65 72 21
how many hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
integer divided by 0 error
how many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
p + l ÷ m = c
and a couple of really old ones.
how many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
5. no 3. or is that an 8
[i came up with this one in high school]
how many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
two. but its really really cramped
[i came up with this one in 6th grade and have since heard other people tell it]
and while on that subject there was a quote that i used say a lot [while failing to mention that i was quoting myself] that i seen in various places. i came up with this while in boston so c.1999 at the latest.
"the song says breaking up is hard to do but getting you stuff back is the really hard part."
and its funny because its true.
now time for more trivia. but this time in the form of a poll.
1-\ racer x[ep] or speed racer[track]
2-\ fat[ep] or fat[track]
3-\ dick hymann or richard cheese
4-\ fastback or coupe
5-\ k-word[there] or k-word[her]
6-\ up in it or down in it
7-\ eric boucher or eric corley
8-\ mcfarland or khg
9-\ asshat or ass clown
10-\ on golden pond or on golden blonde
11-\ pink boy or mr pink
12-\ research or vsearch
13-\ 12 to 13 or 12 to 14
14-\ oklahoma city alarm clock or oklahoma city times
15-\ too much or not enough
16-\ his indie word or his n-d world
17-\ fixed or broken
18-\ vanage or bikeage
19-\ baked or fried
20-\ the pod or greatest hits
21-\ touch and go or kum n go
22-\ take it or fake it
22-\ life is grand or life is shit
23-\ mac daddy or daddy mac
and since it has been a while since I have done it here is another chance for you to identify the song quotes I have used at post titles recently.
01q – you see there was this...and then there was this...nevermind you wouldnt understand anyway
02q - i went right home and i went to bed i stuck that lovin 44 beneath my head
03q - im looking straight down im sick and i need a friend
04q - life is pretty cheap theres really nothing new
05q - my brains gone my souls worn and my spirit is torn the rest of my bodys still being operated on
06q - i sit here locked inside my head remembering everything you said
07q - sometimes I think that youre avoiding me im okay alone but youve got something i need
08q - one more thing to put in line one more thing to waste my time
09q - i told you from the start just how this would end when i get what i want then i never want it again
10q - you can criticize my ideals and my priorities but ultimately i dont give a flying fuck what you think of me
11q - this bridge was written to make you feel smitten oh with my sad picture of girl getting bitter
12q - just give us what you can spare twenty or thirty pounds of potatoes or twenty of thirty beers
13q - id really like to see you now in your fathers combat boots
14q - sometime make a run with me to tulsa cause he waits for me on the texas border line
15q - shell cross my mind a thousand times today still have a million things to say guess I'm better off this way
16q - i keep my speed in a litte glass jar
17q - like a bird with no hair running through the mini mall in my underwear
18q - she was checking out the lima beans and artichokes my heart was broke in pieces
19q - for all I know you want me too and maybe you just dont know what to do
20q - i know but i wont tell what you said about everyone else
21q - shes got a silk dress and healthy breasts that bounce on his italian leather sofa
22q - i just stood there whistling there goes the bride as she walk out the door
23q - birds and snakes an areoplane and lenny bruce is not afraid
so first a series of fresh light bulb jokes just so i can say i told someone. unfortunately this came straight out of my head. so if you hate them i am to blame.
how many toddlers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
[hold up fingers] this many
how many football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
hey coach whats a light bulb?
how many golfers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
foooore!
how many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
68 61 70 70 79 20 65 61 73 74 65 72 21
how many hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
integer divided by 0 error
how many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
p + l ÷ m = c
and a couple of really old ones.
how many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
5. no 3. or is that an 8
[i came up with this one in high school]
how many lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
two. but its really really cramped
[i came up with this one in 6th grade and have since heard other people tell it]
and while on that subject there was a quote that i used say a lot [while failing to mention that i was quoting myself] that i seen in various places. i came up with this while in boston so c.1999 at the latest.
"the song says breaking up is hard to do but getting you stuff back is the really hard part."
and its funny because its true.
now time for more trivia. but this time in the form of a poll.
1-\ racer x[ep] or speed racer[track]
2-\ fat[ep] or fat[track]
3-\ dick hymann or richard cheese
4-\ fastback or coupe
5-\ k-word[there] or k-word[her]
6-\ up in it or down in it
7-\ eric boucher or eric corley
8-\ mcfarland or khg
9-\ asshat or ass clown
10-\ on golden pond or on golden blonde
11-\ pink boy or mr pink
12-\ research or vsearch
13-\ 12 to 13 or 12 to 14
14-\ oklahoma city alarm clock or oklahoma city times
15-\ too much or not enough
16-\ his indie word or his n-d world
17-\ fixed or broken
18-\ vanage or bikeage
19-\ baked or fried
20-\ the pod or greatest hits
21-\ touch and go or kum n go
22-\ take it or fake it
22-\ life is grand or life is shit
23-\ mac daddy or daddy mac
and since it has been a while since I have done it here is another chance for you to identify the song quotes I have used at post titles recently.
01q – you see there was this...and then there was this...nevermind you wouldnt understand anyway
02q - i went right home and i went to bed i stuck that lovin 44 beneath my head
03q - im looking straight down im sick and i need a friend
04q - life is pretty cheap theres really nothing new
05q - my brains gone my souls worn and my spirit is torn the rest of my bodys still being operated on
06q - i sit here locked inside my head remembering everything you said
07q - sometimes I think that youre avoiding me im okay alone but youve got something i need
08q - one more thing to put in line one more thing to waste my time
09q - i told you from the start just how this would end when i get what i want then i never want it again
10q - you can criticize my ideals and my priorities but ultimately i dont give a flying fuck what you think of me
11q - this bridge was written to make you feel smitten oh with my sad picture of girl getting bitter
12q - just give us what you can spare twenty or thirty pounds of potatoes or twenty of thirty beers
13q - id really like to see you now in your fathers combat boots
14q - sometime make a run with me to tulsa cause he waits for me on the texas border line
15q - shell cross my mind a thousand times today still have a million things to say guess I'm better off this way
16q - i keep my speed in a litte glass jar
17q - like a bird with no hair running through the mini mall in my underwear
18q - she was checking out the lima beans and artichokes my heart was broke in pieces
19q - for all I know you want me too and maybe you just dont know what to do
20q - i know but i wont tell what you said about everyone else
21q - shes got a silk dress and healthy breasts that bounce on his italian leather sofa
22q - i just stood there whistling there goes the bride as she walk out the door
23q - birds and snakes an areoplane and lenny bruce is not afraid
