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yeah you know the routine. the lyrics are in black. my mindless comments are in red.
pasties and a g-string by tom waits
smelling like a brewery
[well maybe not like that but still bad]
looking like a tramp
[or worse even]
i aint got a quarter
[no. no i dont]
got a postage stamp
[actually i just found some so i have almost a full book]
been five o'clock shadow boxing
[yeah what he said]
all around the town
[cause i leave the house oh so much]
talking with the old men
[man do i have too?]
sleeping on the ground
[cause they are as crazy as i am]
bazanti bootin
al zootin al hoot
and al cohn
sharin this apartment
[this is an apartment?]
with a telephone pole
[seems like that does actually happen. how odd.]
and it's a fish-net stockings
[i have no idea where those came from]
spike-heel shoes
[i swear i have never seen those before]
strip tease
[yes?!]
prick tease
[i hate when that happens]
car kease blues
[i hate that even more]
and the porno floor show
[i am offend but just so i know how much is it to get in]
live nude girls
[what happen to the dead nude girls]
dreamy and creamy
[now were talking someting serious]
and the brunette curls
[let me hold that though for a moment. yeah the thought]
chesty morgan and a
[hey was she in that one movie]
watermelon rose
[any relation to that gypsy chick?]
raise my rent and
[no please dont do that]
take off all your clothes
[that you can do. not you! ewwww!]
with the trench coats
[what?! its cold out]
magazines
[hey they have really good articles]
bottle full of rum
[and then later one more for the road]
she's so good, it make
a dead man cum,
[oh yeah. i remember her.]
with pasties and a g-string
[its the latest fasion. just ask paris. oh wait thats too much clothing for her]
beer and a shot
[thank you sir and keep em coming]
portland through a shot glass
[never beenn there but it doesnt sound like a bad idea]
and a buffalo squeeze
[a do what now?]
wrinkles and cherry
[i dont know what youre talking about]
and twinky and pinky
[i think i might know them]
and fefe live from gay paree
[oh yeah now i remember that show]
fanfares
[hit the fan on the head and see if you can win the little lady a prize]
rim shots
[uhhh...oh shots. rim shots]
back stage who cares
[the guy trying to sneak a peak is the only one]
all this hot burlesque for me
[i want a piece of that action]
cleavage, cleavage
[and another one one or ten]
thighs and hips
[its all about the curves]
from the nape of her neck
[all the way down?]
to the lip stick lips
[thats not going very far]
chopped and channeled
[just dont tell the cops and well be ok]
and lowered and louvered
[are we talking cars or women?]
and a cheater slicks
[shame for that]
and baby moons
[i swear there are laws against that]
she's hot and ready
[the best ones always are]
and creamy and sugared
[and rumor has it she has a bun in the oven even]
and the band is awful
[you mean thats a real band?]
and so are the tunes
[not like this one though]
crawlin on her belly
[i hear some people actually like that]
shakin like jelly
[must be jelly because...well you know]
and i'm getting harder than
[i gues he is made out of a softer wood]
chinese algebraziers and
[thats a specially angled bra]
cheers from the compendium here
[howard would be so proud]
hey sweet heart they're yellin for more
[and youll give it to them because the moneys good]
squashing out your cigarette butts
[the guy with the smokling fetish is collecting them]
on the floor
[the one youll have to mop after they all go home]
and i like shelly
[its been known to happen before]
you like jane
[again its been known to happen]
what was the girl with the snake skins name
[i'll nudge her in the morning and ask her]
it's an early bird matinee
[bars in the day time are just a bad idea]
come back any day
[thanks but id rather not]
getcha little sompin
[i got your little sompin right here pal]
that cha can't get at home
[so youre going to give me money]
getcha little sompin
[did i stutter the first time]
that cha can't get at home
[i said you are going to give me money]
pasties and a g-string
[is that a street legal outfit?]
beer and a shot
[beer and guns do not mix]
portland through a shot glass
[several of them if you are giving me a choice]
and a buffalo squeeze
[its like wings only nothing like them]
popcorn, front row
[and she nothing but a cheap...nevermind]
higher than a kite
[and happy as can be]
and i'll be back tomorrow night
[maybe ill have some money by then. but i doubt it.]
and i'll be back tomorrow night
[maybe ill be less creepy by then. but i doubt it.]
ok my mom sent me the following piece and i found it humorous at best until i got to the last part and that is where i lost it. i am sure most ont find it as funny but thought i would share anyway.
Cows
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
Constitution
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.
Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.
( and this is the kicker )
( omf"b" what is the world coming to?! a new and recent allin picture? )
and while we are at it how do you like the new and improved icon (the one that is now my default)? its not as clean as the other one but i like it so much better. i am working on updating the other as soon as a find a better dumbed down gif creation utility.
pasties and a g-string by tom waits
smelling like a brewery
[well maybe not like that but still bad]
looking like a tramp
[or worse even]
i aint got a quarter
[no. no i dont]
got a postage stamp
[actually i just found some so i have almost a full book]
been five o'clock shadow boxing
[yeah what he said]
all around the town
[cause i leave the house oh so much]
talking with the old men
[man do i have too?]
sleeping on the ground
[cause they are as crazy as i am]
bazanti bootin
al zootin al hoot
and al cohn
sharin this apartment
[this is an apartment?]
with a telephone pole
[seems like that does actually happen. how odd.]
and it's a fish-net stockings
[i have no idea where those came from]
spike-heel shoes
[i swear i have never seen those before]
strip tease
[yes?!]
prick tease
[i hate when that happens]
car kease blues
[i hate that even more]
and the porno floor show
[i am offend but just so i know how much is it to get in]
live nude girls
[what happen to the dead nude girls]
dreamy and creamy
[now were talking someting serious]
and the brunette curls
[let me hold that though for a moment. yeah the thought]
chesty morgan and a
[hey was she in that one movie]
watermelon rose
[any relation to that gypsy chick?]
raise my rent and
[no please dont do that]
take off all your clothes
[that you can do. not you! ewwww!]
with the trench coats
[what?! its cold out]
magazines
[hey they have really good articles]
bottle full of rum
[and then later one more for the road]
she's so good, it make
a dead man cum,
[oh yeah. i remember her.]
with pasties and a g-string
[its the latest fasion. just ask paris. oh wait thats too much clothing for her]
beer and a shot
[thank you sir and keep em coming]
portland through a shot glass
[never beenn there but it doesnt sound like a bad idea]
and a buffalo squeeze
[a do what now?]
wrinkles and cherry
[i dont know what youre talking about]
and twinky and pinky
[i think i might know them]
and fefe live from gay paree
[oh yeah now i remember that show]
fanfares
[hit the fan on the head and see if you can win the little lady a prize]
rim shots
[uhhh...oh shots. rim shots]
back stage who cares
[the guy trying to sneak a peak is the only one]
all this hot burlesque for me
[i want a piece of that action]
cleavage, cleavage
[and another one one or ten]
thighs and hips
[its all about the curves]
from the nape of her neck
[all the way down?]
to the lip stick lips
[thats not going very far]
chopped and channeled
[just dont tell the cops and well be ok]
and lowered and louvered
[are we talking cars or women?]
and a cheater slicks
[shame for that]
and baby moons
[i swear there are laws against that]
she's hot and ready
[the best ones always are]
and creamy and sugared
[and rumor has it she has a bun in the oven even]
and the band is awful
[you mean thats a real band?]
and so are the tunes
[not like this one though]
crawlin on her belly
[i hear some people actually like that]
shakin like jelly
[must be jelly because...well you know]
and i'm getting harder than
[i gues he is made out of a softer wood]
chinese algebraziers and
[thats a specially angled bra]
cheers from the compendium here
[howard would be so proud]
hey sweet heart they're yellin for more
[and youll give it to them because the moneys good]
squashing out your cigarette butts
[the guy with the smokling fetish is collecting them]
on the floor
[the one youll have to mop after they all go home]
and i like shelly
[its been known to happen before]
you like jane
[again its been known to happen]
what was the girl with the snake skins name
[i'll nudge her in the morning and ask her]
it's an early bird matinee
[bars in the day time are just a bad idea]
come back any day
[thanks but id rather not]
getcha little sompin
[i got your little sompin right here pal]
that cha can't get at home
[so youre going to give me money]
getcha little sompin
[did i stutter the first time]
that cha can't get at home
[i said you are going to give me money]
pasties and a g-string
[is that a street legal outfit?]
beer and a shot
[beer and guns do not mix]
portland through a shot glass
[several of them if you are giving me a choice]
and a buffalo squeeze
[its like wings only nothing like them]
popcorn, front row
[and she nothing but a cheap...nevermind]
higher than a kite
[and happy as can be]
and i'll be back tomorrow night
[maybe ill have some money by then. but i doubt it.]
and i'll be back tomorrow night
[maybe ill be less creepy by then. but i doubt it.]
ok my mom sent me the following piece and i found it humorous at best until i got to the last part and that is where i lost it. i am sure most ont find it as funny but thought i would share anyway.
Cows
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington. And they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give them all a cow.
Constitution
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and we're not using it anymore.
Ten Commandments
The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse? You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.
( and this is the kicker )
( omf"b" what is the world coming to?! a new and recent allin picture? )
and while we are at it how do you like the new and improved icon (the one that is now my default)? its not as clean as the other one but i like it so much better. i am working on updating the other as soon as a find a better dumbed down gif creation utility.
