i was only joking when i

[don't even ask, if you don't understand]

i want you to feel better. yeah i know i might not have always been there for you the way i should have but you have got to do something about it before it gets worse. it's been coming on for a while and if you don't do something it will only get worse. tell me what i can do. please. i want to make it all right and ready for you. there is so much thee but whatever is creating that whole needs to be filled up pretty quickly. ok at least you need to start working on it.

and on a a few other points...you were right and it is starting to happen. completely against your warnings but much more rational.

i hope you have finally realisee how silly that was and gotten over it now. not that i have, but you really should.

___ _______ _____. _ ____ ____ ___ __ ___ __ __ _____.

if i stay quiet it will not just go away. but if i actually start to forget about it i won't have to deal with it or delete it. or delete me.

she is scared that i am going to leave and not come back. she is not the first one. and this time it would be a lot easier. in the end she is probably right. no fighting. no letter. just gone. but where would i go to fall off the face of the earth?

if so many things had been different we could have had a love that would have lasted through the years. in a way i suppose we still do. just not the same. put your hand back in mine and we will take on the world. bring the family with you, it's going to be a hard fight.

if it is what you really want, you have to live it. you have to open your soul to it completely and toss your doubts aside. you have to declare it proudly from the mountians. you have to feel it capture you every moment. you have to free your self so it alone controls your actions. just remember that it kills as it dies. it it worth it to risj so much for so little?