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Selected things to do when you run over your neighbor's cat:
(a) Wedge the cat under the neighbor's tire so they think they did it.
(b) Paint a hexagram on their front lawn and put the cat in the middle so they think that crazy Satanists did it.
(c) Throw the cat into your other neighbor's yard.
(d) Put the cat in a tree. Call the fire department and let them try to explain it.
(e) Drive over the rest of the cats in the neighborhood and claim that you're on a "Mission From God".
Mrs. Biddle was walking down the street one day carrying a small box with holes punched in the top.
"What's in that box?" Mrs. Riddle asked.
"A cat," Mrs. Biddle answered.
"What for?"
"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared of mice. The cat is to catch them."
"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," said Mrs. Riddle.
Mrs. Biddle turned to her friend and whispered, "So is the cat."
In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery.
He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor.
"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."
"It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten on the spot.
