i took for granted, all the times that I thought would last somehow

the bottle is not empty

cold nights are always so lonely and long
sleep will not be beckoned
yet ideas refuse to be wooed into the light
all the things you desire avoid you like a disease
the cruelest trick of a hidden moon
maybe someday you will find it
but first you must suffer through these nights
the only words you can hear
are echos of long forgotten pains
so you reach for your bottle
half full of something to warm you
but only half way empty
of things you wanted to forget
these long cold night always see to wake
a lonely memory's ghost
one that would never woo
and fear it being beckoned
you can only suffer through this pain
and echos of forgotten voices
with the help of a bottle of hope
no one to pass iot around to
yet you still take another down.

[poems that appear here but are not credited - such as this one - should be asssumed to be mine]

wish my words could just convince myself that it just wasn't real but that's not the way it feels

time for another stupid rant, for the guys, that noone will want to read. how the hell do so many marriages happen with so many guys afraid to express how they really feel. ok, i may be retarded by being a hopeless romantic in this day and age but this is ridiculous. i will admit i have made mistakes, but is there really anything wrong with buying a gift for someone you care about? for no other reason than the fact that you care? send flowers. it is not going to hurt. i am not just talking about days where you are trying to kiss ass because you screwed up. i am talking about the days where you realize how much you love the person you are with. how much you care. there used to be a quote i knew that basically said that inside every man is a lost poet. it is possible to wake that up. to give up all the macho bullshit. to quit thinking with you dick and talk about how you really feel. to be completely honest. this is why i am not friends with that many guys. you wanna whip it out to prove how tough you are? go ahead just leave me out of it. they might get married. they might get a woman (or girl even) pregnant. they might do a lot of things. the one thing they will never do is stick around. they never do. too many of them love to break hearts as they go along. why should they care? all they want is easy sex. they do not want to have to work fo it. they don't even care if the woman participates or is satisfied. no wonder so many woman switch teams. heaven forbid a guy should actually tell another guy how he feels about his true love. the woman that really does mean so much to him. what an asshole. a fag. a pussy. that is some of the biggest bullshit I ever heard. it is said way too often too. they make it so obvious how the feel. woman are a lower class. bitches. whores. sluts. a way to get laid. not something to care about. not an equal. a poor defensless creature (not even a person) that they choose to protect out of the kindness of their hearts. not because they actually care. that would make them less of a man. never admit they love someone until it is too late. they might dedicate there life to success to get what they want. a high paying job, nice cars, a nice house, more money than they neeed and a trophy wife. a wife they like to look at. one that looks like a playboy model and turns all the heads. one they like to look at but cannot stand. and never want to get to know. hanging out with their buddies all talking about their trophy wives is more important than actually getting to know them.the deserve the house just for the way you fucks treat them.guys that never want to see the true beuty that their wives may hold inside. just someone to keep the house in order. separate but unequal. never acting as a team. take take take. chew them up and spit them out again. i mean is it really that embarrassing to admit to your feelings? tell the truth and see what it gets you. you will probably be surprised. you might even make a new friend in this person you are so afraid to talk to. let the fires burn you. dumb bastards. just once try thinking with your heart. not your fear. not your dick. go with what you are so afraid to feel. run to her. accept her for everything she is. not just for a place to drop it in. it is not going to hurt, that is for sure. you might even enjoy it. all this comes from a very spiteful soul, do not make be tell you this in person. treat her right or die.

[please forgive this interrution. you will now be returned to your normal viewg. only because i am too pissed to keep going]

(no subject)

so I went to CockSucker video to take my name off of Debi's account today. Apparently some one there loves me because the last for didgits of my account numer are 6969. Normally I would have just reactivated my old ass card but it was served enough time. So now I have to accept that I have a new card with less history. But a damn cool account number. And this lovely story to go with it. I told you I love blockbuster. A brand new card and it's already got a history. Basically it was just time for a change. The card I have been using for so many years was aquired in okc. How many years has it been since I have lived there? seven and a half. i guess i held onto it for the memories. the time has come to create new memories. to get over these ghosts that haunt my mind. maybe even finally finish off that bottle of Black Death vodka. kill it and get the story over with. maybe I'll drink it as i write that story. who knows. it's not like I am going to drink my self to death on half a bottle of 10 year old vodka. it really is time to start killing ghosts and monsters. maybe i'll start with a tear down on AEPB. maybe i will try to explain why most men piss me off so much. Oh, yeah, I already did that one. i should finish off that bottle as soon as i find all the pieces for the story. but for now I have a damn fun blockbuster card. anyone want to rent me? check me out maybe?

more stupid quizzes

---

Are you innocent? (Male Version)





""Which cocktail are you?""



[Edit: 012603 - spelling errors/sloppy alt text]